McCain vs. Obama

Watching CNN last night I was astounded by how many Americans are still identifying as “undecided” with the election just days away. Then it hit me, I have been totally irresponsible. Maybe, just maybe, the undecided voters are waiting for me to opine.

I apologize America. Been a bit busy as of late and haven’t had a chance to blog. But since the fates of Obama and McCain hinge on the wisdom typed clumsily by my fingers I guess I better get cracking.

Let’s start with the leader. Barrack “Thanks-for-THAT-middle-name-absentee-Dad” Obama. On the plus side, Obama is a bit of a “wouldn’t kick him out of my bed” looker. Firm buttocks, a melt-my-steely-heart smile, and deep, dark, penetrating eyes. But after a night of mattress rodeo, is he someone I’d be comfortable waking up with everyday?

Oh, heck no! The Obaminator loves him some levying of taxes. At the core, he’s a repackaged tax-and-spend Liberal. It astounds me that people can’t look past the rhythmic pacing of his speeches and his aforementioned firm buttocks and see this.

Look at his record. He promised to cut middle class taxes when he ran for the Senate. Then promptly forgot that promise and voted to raise taxes on people making as little as $40,000. Gee whiz, Ricky, he looks so doggone earnest.

People, wake up. Last week (after the debates were over) he dropped the income level of who he says he’s taxing more from $250,000 to $200,000. The Wall Street Journal took a closer look and lowered that projection to $140,000.

Mark my words (preferably with a pink highlighter) a month after he takes office he’s going to announce that Bush screwed things up even more than he realized and many more of us are going to have the bear the burden of financing his plethora of new initiatives. I do not want my wealth spread around any more than it all ready is. Don’t know that the Obama Nation is getting my vote.

Now for McCain. His saggy buttocks aren’t parking themselves in my bed. Sure, I’d take his wife Cindy out for ice cream once or twice and Sarah Palin can come calling any time she wants. But McCain fails to float my little dinghy.

This isn’t age-ism. There are plenty of 70-somethings who I’d date. Preferable ones with enormous wealth, a bad ticker and an aversion to prenuptial agreements. I just don’t see how a man who admitted a year ago that economics wasn’t his strong suit should be leading us during these trying times. I am all for the surge in Iraq, but this is not a one issue election. We need someone who can move us forward.

Did the Republicans just write this election off? Their crop of presidential contenders during the primaries was about as appealing as a website hawking secondhand hemorrhoid cushions. They offered questionable relief and did nothing to erase the memory that the last Republican was kind of an abnormally enlarged vein occurring inside the anal sphincter.

I look at McCain bumbling his way through the presidential contest and it reminds my why I defected from the Republican party and registered as a Libertarian. But alas, the electorate needs me to decide so decide I must. Can’t play my Libertarian card and escape this one.

Alas, I must go with a guiding principal that has never failed to help me in the polling booth—“Pick the one who will do the least damage.” Let’s see:

Obama
- increases taxes
- moves us towards Nationalized Health Care (ask Canada how that’s working)
- increases the scope of government
- no hottie in the VP slot (sorry Joe)

McCain
- Cuts taxes
- Has such a convoluted health care plan it will never pass
- Keep Pelosi and Reed in check, slows the growth of government
- Brings bonafide hottie to the VP slot who can field dress a moose to boot

Decision: Vote McCain and give thanks that he will only last one term

Comments

[Wendy]

I thought you used to have a thing for McCain. Meanwhile, I am very impressed by your opening line with its non-dangling participle.

[Jim Dauser]

and thanks to the N.V.A. you can take McCain camping with a jar of Vaseline and he won't tell anyone.

[jim Bell]

given that you got married last week, maybe you should stop being so gay!

Tata